Dr. Grayer’s Coming Out Advice

This advice was recorded for National Coming Out Day, 2010, but is timeless in its message. Enjoy.

It Takes Courage to be Authentic

 Courage is a capacity we all need to move through our lives on a basic level, but even more so, we need courage to move beyond that basic level. The basic level is just getting through the day to day and many people “live” here for many reasons; this is all they know, this is what was modeled to them, they were ridiculed for dreaming and becoming more and better, or they were told that life is unfair and be thankful for what they have. There are many people who want to follow their dreams, who want more, but are afraid to dream and those whose dreams are buried. Some believe, “Why dream, because they won’t come true.”  This attitude takes over people’s lives and they become frozen, paralyzed, and don’t live up to their full potential. They don’t live  authentically. When this happens they’re not connected to soul.

The dream can be as basic as saying one’s truth, expressing how they feel or what they like or dislike. It can be the dream of having a healthy, satisfying relationship. It can be the dream of the perfect career, starting your own business, or buying your first home out in the country, or being creative and sharing your gifts with others, going to college, starting a family, or whatever your heart desires. But for many people, dreams are hard to reach because fear, the lack of vision, and courage have paralyzed them. Also, due to life’s situations that have happened and the chaos and despair that surrounds you in your family and politically, globally, and environmentally, you can (and many have) become paralyzed or overwhelmed with anxiety and fear, leaving you passive, powerless, and non-creative.

The metaphor that comes to me when a person is not living authentically is this: imagine a person having a conversation with another person and one or both of them are wearing invisible handcuffs, a muzzle, and their hearts are in chains, and their complete bodies are bound with heavy rope. This is the weight that deprives the soul’s expression. It is an unhappy place for so many people. It messes with people, emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. To remove the bondage from a person’s being and to free the spirit and soul, it takes courage. It takes courage to want to look, and then to risk looking and being open to what might surface. It takes courage, once you see what is wrong, broken, and need fixing and healing, to take action to make sure things are put right.  As you look at this journey you can easily go back to the beginning and see how much trouble it will be, or that it will take forever to fix, and your belief may be that you don’t have much time to do it all, or you might believe you aren’t worth all the fuss. This is why it takes courage to take the journey toward being authentic.

If by chance you are feeling moved since reading this, learn about what that is that is causing you to be moved. This is the first step which is to acknowledge what is being stirred up. Do not ignore this part of yourself. My guess is that it has been ignored before and it clearly wants your attention. Know that your dreams are important. You will never know what is possible if you never try. Sometimes the fear can be so huge that it’s hard to see the beauty that is waiting for you. Do it differently this time which takes enormous courage. You have this courage inside you! Take a deep breath, maybe a few, and really honor what your heart desires and what your soul is saying. Your soul wants to be expressed. What dreams do you have that are being squelched due to fear and your lack of courage? What do you want to achieve for your future? Do you feel you are living authentically in your life and in your relationships? What goals do you have for yourself? Rate your courage from 1-10 (10 is high and 1 is low) as far as it relates to you living your life with courage. Do you say and do the things that you are passionate about and don’t let fear limit you?

You must look out into your future and believe that you can make a difference for yourself, your family, your community, and society. Even a bigger stretch would be to consider how you can impact the world. How do you imagine your ideas affecting the whole? What if you had ideas that could change your life or your community’s or even the world? What if they were not shared, and put aside or buried due to lack of courage? You would deny yourself and the world a great gift. You would deny yourself of expression and an opportunity to be alive and free.

Take some time and write in your journal about how you were affected by this article and as a result of reading it what plans or goals you have to move your life more authentically. 

“Move within, but don’t move in the way fear makes you move.” Rumi

Go forwardly with courage because you deserve to live authentically!

My best to you.

Dr. Dianna